Another Vampire Family Feud
by GEM1588
Summary: The game show. Hosted by Ryan Seacrest. Sequel to Vampire Family Feud. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

**Note1: Technically, this is a crossover between The Vampire Diaries and The Lost Boys.**

**Note2: This is a sequel(?) to Vampire Family Feud (which is a Twilight/The Vampire Diaries Crossover).**

**Note3: Please read and enjoy.**

**-Gemma**

* * *

><p>We open on dancing GSN logo<p>

**Announcer**: You're watching the Game Show Network.

Cut to game show set, each family posed behind their podiums

**Announcer**: It's time for another "Vampire Family Feud"! Hailing from Santa Carla, California; Our challengers: The Lost Boys: Max, Marko, Paul, Dwayne and David.

And today, they'll be playing against our returning champions. From Mystic Falls, Virginia; Let's hear it for The Petrova-Salvatore Family: Katherine, Stefan, Elena, Damon and Caroline!

And now let's welcome our host... Ryan Seacrest!

Ryan walks in and takes center stage, continuously smiling. He seems to shine.

"Hello, welcome to "Vampire Family Feud", I'm Ryan Seacrest," the grinning celebrity says as he winks at the camera. There is an uncanny sparkle to his face.

The audience cheers.

"Now everyone in our audience and those playing at home," Ryan says as he turns his head, so he's looking over his shoulder into the camera. "You may notice a few changes since our last episode. First, I am now a vampire…"

"WE LOVE YOU RYAN!" a group of fangirls scream from the front row.

"I love you too." Ryan waves to them.

They jump up and down hugging each other.

"As I was saying," Ryan continues. "The network has renegotiated my contract. And it's now official: I will be hosting Dick Clarks' Rocking New Year's Eve until the end of time!"

The audience roars with glee!

"Thank you. Thank you," Ryan smiles at the crowd. "But it's not all about me. It's about our contestants, who are here to….," he pauses dramatically. "PLAY THE FEUD!"

"First up to the podium: Katherine and Max."

"Come on over," Ryan says to them. Max pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and saunters forward. Katherine gives Ryan a wide grin, swaying her hips side to side as she moves toward him.

"Hi Ryan," Katherine says cozying up for a hug.

"Katherine," Ryan says stoically as he pats her shoulder.

"Welcome to the show," Ryan greets the two contestants. "Max, why don't you tell us what you do for a living?"

"I am a small business owner," Max tells Ryan.

"Wonderful," Ryan comments. "It's nice to meet another vampire who actually works for a living." He looks condescendingly at The Petrova- Salvatore Family.

"I own a Boarding House," Damon snorts at the host.

"Actually, Elena owns the Boarding House," Stefan reminds his brother.

"I volunteer for several charitable causes," Caroline chirps excitedly.

"Wonderful," the host nods in approval.

"Spending full moons with Tyler Lockwood isn't exactly a charitable cause, Caroline," Damon tells the blonde beside him.

"Shut up, Damon," Caroline hisses, as she continues to smile at Ryan Seacrest.

"Katherine and Max are you ready?" the host asks the heads of household.

"Yes," Max answers placing a hand next to the buzzer.

"I'm always ready," Katherine flutters her eyelashes.

"LET'S PLAY THE FEUD!" Ryan says as he takes out a new cue card.

"One hundred humans surveyed, top six answers on the board."

A haze drifts across the stage, engulfing Max, Ryan and Katherine. Ryan covers his mouth with the card as he begins to cough. He fans his forearm in front of him to clear the air. "Who's smoking?" he gasps.

The camera pans over to The Lost Boys podium where Marko, Paul, Dwayne and David all have lit cigarettes hanging from their mouths.

"This is a smoke free set," Ryan tells them. Someone runs out from backstage with an ashtray. Marko and Paul extinguish their cigarettes in it. Dwayne waits for his turn. David is still smoking.

"I told you to behave," Max growls at him.

"Not like it's going to kill him," David mutters and takes one more lengthy puff and then tosses his cigarette butt to the floor, grinding it out with his boot. Max's lips curl in anger.

The camera returns to center stage. Ryan stands poised with his cue card.

"One hundred humans surveyed, top six answers on the board," he repeats. "Tell me an announcement you made that startled your parents."

Katherine's and Max's hands both slam down on the buzzer. The podium on the Salvatore side lights up, indicating Katherine rang in first.

"I'm pregnant!" she tells Ryan. "And it's yours," she adds with a salicious smirk.

"Ha Ha," Ryan says dryly. "Show me 'I'm pregnant'."

The number one spot flips over.

"Looks like we're going to the Petrova-Salvatore Family," the host says.

Ryan and Katherine walk to stage right where the rest of the family is waiting.

"Stefan," Ryan greets him. "How's the afterlife?"

"Excellent," Stefan answers as he entwines his fingers with Elena's.

"So can you tell me an announcement you made that startled your parents?"

"I'm gay," Stefan says to Ryan.

"Like you needed to announce that," Damon says. "Anyone would be able to tell just by looking at that hair."

Stefan's brow creases, but he doesn't reply to his brother's comment.

"Stefan's not really gay, is he?" Caroline asks.

"NO," Elena and Katherine both answer simultaneously as Damon nods 'yes' to the blond beside him. Elena slaps Damon's arm.

"Show me 'I'm gay'." Ryan says.

The number five spot flips over.

Katherine hugs Stefan while Elena watches warily.

"E-lay-na," Ryan says leaning heavily on her podium. "How is my favorite Doppelganger?"

"I'm great Ryan," Elena smiles.

"So can you tell me an announcement you made that startled your parents?"

"How about 'I totaled the car'?"

"Good answer, Elena." Caroline claps.

"Sound like a winner," Ryan turns to the board. "Show me 'totaled the car'."

BUZZZZZZZZZ

The first red strike appears.

"I thought it would be up there," Elena frowns.

"Me too," Ryan agrees.

"Damon," the host moves to the slot. "Tell me an announcement you made that startled your parents."

"I quit the Army," Damon replies.

Stefan glances sideways at Katherine.

"Don't look at me like that," Katherine scoffs. "It's not my fault he deserted the war."

"Which war?" Ryan asks Damon.

"Civil," Damon shrugs.

"He was in the Confederate Army," Stefan explains.

"And you deserted?"

"He doesn't like to lose," Katherine leans forward looking down the row toward Damon. "At anything."

"You quit because you were on the losing side?" Caroline crosses her arms.

"NO! I deserted because I didn't believe in the cause!" Damon is getting angry.

"Show me I'm a deserter!" Ryan announces.

BUZZZZZZZZZZ

Another red strike appears.

Ryan moves to the last spot at the Salvatore podium.

"Caroline," he reads from a cue card. "You are taking Jeremy's place today."

"Yes, Ryan." Caroline beams.

"Why don't you explain to our audience why?"

Caroline turns to the camera and brushes her hair back off her shoulders. The she brushes it forward again. "All family members have to be a vampire-blood relative of the head of household. Katherine made Stefan and Damon. And Damon made me. Elena is a Petrova Doppelganger. "

"Thank you, Caroline." Ryan changes cue cards. "Your family has two strikes, but four answers remain."

Caroline nods.

"If you get this right, your family stays alive. If not, The Lost Boys will have a chance to steal."

The camera pans to the challengers. Max is standing up straight, on alert. Marko is picking at the beads on his jacket. Paul's and Dwayne's fists are linked are they wage a thumb war against each other. David is sitting on the podium, legs dangling a few inches above the floor. His lips press into an eerie smile as the camera swing his way.

Ryan shudders.

"Caroline," he asks. "Can you tell me an announcement you made that startled your parents?"

"I maxed out my credit card," Caroline winces, biting her lip.

"That's strike three," Damon groans from beside her.

"Show me "Maxed out the credit cards!"

BUZZZZZZZ

A third red 'X' appears.

"We're going to The Lost Boys for the steal." Ryan walks across center stage to David.

"Tell me an announcement you made that startled your parents."

"Killed the neighbors," David replies.

"uh, okay." Ryan clears his throat uncomfortably and moves to Dwayne.

Dwayne does not reply. He just laughs.

Ryan moves to next member of the family.

"Joined a cult," Paul replies.

"Wow," Ryan blinks in disbelief and moves to Marko.

"I'm a vampire."

"My parents weren't thrilled about that either." Ryan pats the space in front of Marko.

"Max, it's up to you," Ryan tells the tall vampire. "Your family gave you some…answers. You can go with any of them or go out on your own."

Max leans forward looking over his family, who are oddly quiet. "I'm going to go out on my own, Ryan," he tells the host. "My answer is I'm getting married."

"…again," David coughs into a gloved fist.

Marko, Paul and Dwayne all laugh until they are silenced by an evil glare from Max.

"Show me "getting married." Ryan calls out.

The number two spot flips over and reads "Engaged/Eloped".

The Lost Boys clap slowly, unenthusiastically. Max pushes his glasses up his nose again.

"Show me number three." Ryan points to the board.

"Quit school/College," the audience reads.

"Number four."

"Moving away," the audience reads.

"And number six."

"Joined the Military," the audience reads.

"I SAID that!" Damon shouts.

"No, that's not what you said." Elena looks at him.

"You said 'deserted the military'," Stefan reminds him.

"Deserted. Joined," Damon muses. "Is there really a difference?"

"Yeah," Paul yells across the set. "This difference is that WE won and you…"

"SUCK!" Marko, Dwayne and David finish grabbing themselves between their legs.

Damon moves to hurdle the podium, Caroline barely holds him back.

"uhhhhh," Ryan looks around the set hastily.

"Stay tuned…"

Damon breaks free from Caroline and rushes forward.

"….there's more…"

Stefan slips in front of Damon, grasping his shirt.

"…Feud, coming up…"

David hops down from his seat on the podium and advances.

"…hopefully," Ryan finishes weakly.

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><p><strong>So...any interest in more chapters?<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The cameras stop rolling.

Stefan and Caroline are still blocking Damon from advancing on The Lost Boys.

Elena stands by watching helplessly.

Katherine pulls out a compact and checks her hair.

"Boys," Max growls at his family, who send mocking looks Damon's way as they back off.

**Announcer: **We're taking five people.

Ryan's assistant runs out with a thermos. He opens the lids and wafts the pleasant aroma toward Ryan's nose. Ryan takes the thermos and places his lips delicately against the rim. He takes a dainty sip, swishing the liquid around his mouth before spitting it back in the thermos.

"Is this B positive?" he sputters. "Because I SPECIFICALLY asked for B NEGATIVE!"

"I…I..I'm sorry, Mr. Seacrest," the young man stutters, rushing off to correct his mistake.

"I can't believe Ryan just said that to his assistant," Caroline says aloud.

"Me neither," Katherine agrees. "Everyone knows O positive has the best flavor."

Caroline, Stefan, Elena and Damon glare at her.

"What?" Katherine looks back and shrugs. "It's true."

"It is so hard to find good help these days," Ryan comments to Max. "Is there a secret to hiring quality employees?"

"No secrets really," Max removes his glasses, huffing a breath on the lenses. "But when you do find one, make sure they aren't eaten. I've lost quite a few that way." He looks scornfully at the boys. "Quite a few," he repeats.

**Announcer:** Places everyone, we're back in

Five

Four

Three

Two

Ryan stands front and center smiling. "Welcome back to The Feud. Our challengers, The Lost Boys are in the lead." The camera pans to their podium. Aside from Max, no one is even facing the camera.

"But it's still early in the game," Ryan continues. "Stefan and Marko, are you ready to play The Feud?"

Stefan leaves his place at the podium and goes to center stage. Marko grins at the camera, adjusts his beaded jacket on his shoulders and struts up to meet Stefan.

Stefan offers Marko his hand to shake. Marko looks at it skeptically. "I don't touch homosexuals."

"I'm not gay," Stefan says through gritted teeth.

"Okay gentleman," Ryan interrupts pulling out a cue card. "One hundred humans surveyed, top six answers on the board."

Stefan drops his hand next to the buzzer. He and Marko look at Ryan as he reads the question.

"Instead of milk and cookies, what might Santa want people to leave him?"

Marko's hand slams down on the buzzer.

Ryan turns his way.

"Whores," Marko answers then turns to his family. Paul, Dwayne and David are laughing. Max's face scrunches up in fury.

"Wow," Ryan looks down at his cue card. "Was not expecting that answer. Show me 'whores'," he says.

BUZZZZZZZZ

A red strike appears.

"I'll show you whores," Damon calls from the Petrova-Salvatore podium as he points to Katherine and Caroline.

"Damon!" Elena cries. "There is only one whore on this team. And it's not Caroline." Elena looks over at Katherine, but doesn't say anything further.

"Oh please," Katherine rolls her eyes. "I'm five centuries old. By vampire standards I'm practically a virgin."

"whore," Damon coughs into his hand.

"Stefan," Ryan turns to him awaiting an answer. "What might Santa want people to leave him?"

"Carrots," Stefan replies.

"Like a big fat guy wants carrots," Marko laughs.

"For his reindeer," Stefan explains.

"The question asked what Santa wanted people to leave HIM not his reindeer, dumb ass," Marko says.

"Show me 'carrots'," Ryan says.

BUZZZZZZZZZ

A red strike appears.

"Please tell me this isn't going to be another one of those questions," Ryan sighs. He looks over at The Lost Boys podium. "Paul, do you have an answer?"

"Pot," Paul yells across the stage. Dwayne and David hi-five him.

"Show me 'pot'," Ryan says.

BUZZZZZZZZZZ

Another red strike flashes.

"Elena, please tell me you have an answer," Ryan smiles.

"I'm going to say," Elena grasps at the podium and leans backward. "…cheesecake."

"Show me 'cheesecake'," Ryan says.

The number three spot flips over: Cake/Cupcakes.

"We're going to the Petrova-Salvatore family." Ryan and Stefan walk back to the podium. Ryan stands in front of Damon.

"Instead of milk and cookies, what might Santa want people to leave him?"

"AL-CO-HOL," Damon answers, enunciating each syllable.

"Show me 'alcohol'," Ryan says.

DING!

The number one spots flips over.

"Good answer," Ryan tells him.

Damon's Chesire-cat grin speaks volumes.

Ryan moves down to Caroline.

"Hello, Caroline," he smiles at her. "What might Santa want?" he asks.

"Ummm," Caroline looks up at the board then back at Ryan. "Maybe some…pizza?"

"Good answer," Stefan and Elena clap their hands.

"You can order pizza anytime from anywhere using your iPhone," Caroline smiles as she holds up a brand new pink phone. "With it's easy to use one touch function," she begins to demonstrate the feature.

"What the hell is an iPhone?" Paul yells from The Lost Boys podium.

"Why don't you just go back to 1987?" Damon retorts.

"Why don't you go desert another war?" David comes around the podium toward center stage.

"Why do you still have an earring?" Damon pushes Caroline out of the way as he makes his way toward David.

"At least it's not a gaudy man-ring," David says coolly.

"It's my family crest," Damon covers his ring protectively.

"It's ugly."

"HEY! This is MY show," Ryan snarls at them both. "Get back in your places."

Both Damon and David stop and look at each other.

"NOW," the host bares his teeth.

"We're not done here," Damon says as he backs up.

"Definitely not," David agrees.

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><p><strong>Happy Friday the 13th...<strong>

**-Gemma**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own The Vampire Diaries, The Lost Boys or Family Feud.**

**Note: The questions in this story are actual questions asked during random episodes of Family Feud. **

* * *

><p>Chapter 3<p>

"Okay, where were we?" Ryan takes a moment to compose himself and de-vamp.

"Pizza," Caroline reminds him.

"Thank you." Ryan straightens his tie and looks up at the board. "Show me 'pizza'," he says.

BUZZZZZZZZZ

The first red strike appears.

"Awwww," Caroline pouts.

"Oh joy," Ryan mutters as he makes his way to Katherine.

"You know Ryan," she purrs. "I love a bad boy. And what you did just now, with them," she indicates David and Damon. "Sooooooo sexy."

"I have a girlfriend," Ryan tells Katherine.

"For now," Katherine smiles wickedly.

"Just answer the question," Ryan says.

"Could you repeat it," Katherine pauses and yanks Ryan's arm forcing him closer to her. "Please," she breathes into his ear.

Ryan pulls himself away forcefully, knocking his cue cards onto the floor. He bends over to pick them up. As he does both Caroline and Katherine check out his ass.

Damon elbows Caroline and points to the large in-house monitor which has freeze-framed her observant expression.

Caroline blushes.

Ryan stands up again and sorts the cue cards.

"Instead of cookies and milk, what might Santa want people to leave him?" he asks Katherine.

"How about some…," Katherine holds up her hand. She rubs her thumb against her fingers. "Cash."

"Only a whore would think of that," Damon says.

"There's nothing wrong with whores," Marko yells from the opposite side of the stage.

"Shut up already!" Ryan yells back. "Show me 'cash'," he says.

DING!

The number two spot flips over.

Katherine smiles triumphantly at Damon

"Lucky guess," he replies.

"Back to you Stefan," Ryan says. "Three answers remain and you only have one strike."

"What about, uh…" Stefan stops to think.

"Three seconds," Ryan reminds him.

"Coffee," Stefan answers.

"Good answer. Good answer," Elena and Caroline call out.

"Makes sense," Ryan agrees. "Show me 'coffee'."

BUZZZZZZZZZ

Another red strike appears.

Stefan hangs his head.

"I thought that would have been up there," Ryan tells him as he moves to Elena.

"It's up to me, isn't it?" Elena asks.

"Afraid so," Ryan leans against the podium. "If you get this right, your family stays alive. If not, The Lost Boys have a chance to steal."

The camera pans over to the challengers. Marko and Paul are having a thumb war. Dwayne's jacket is pulled open revealing that he is not wearing a shirt under it. David is rolling an unlit cigarette between his fingers. Max's jaw is set firmly as he focuses on the game.

"Instead of cookies and milk, what might Santa want people to leave him?" Ryan asks Elena.

"I'm going to say hot chocolate."

"Good answer." Caroline and Stefan clap their hands together.

Ryan turns to the board. "Show me 'hot chocolate'."

BUZZZZZZZZZZZZ

A third red strike appears.

"I thought it was a good answer," Ryan tells Elena.

"Now we go to the challengers for a possible steal," Ryan says as walks across the stage. "David, instead of cookies and milk, what might Santa want people to leave him?"

"Laxatives," David replies.

Ryan shakes his head and moves to Dwayne.

Dwayne does not reply. He just laughs.

Ryan moves to next member of the family.

"A comic book," Paul replies.

"That'll be up there," Ryan says sarcastically and moves to Marko.

"Strippers."

Ryan shakes his head again and continues to the head of household.

"It's up to you," Ryan tells the tall vampire. "If you get this right; you get the steal," he pauses. "What is your answer, Max?"

"Well, Ryan," he tells the host. "I think St. Nick might appreciate a nice filet."

"I have to agree, Max. Show me 'Filet'."

DING!

The number six spot flips over: STEAK

The Lost Boys slap hands in celebration then make obscene gestures toward the Petrova-Salvatore family.

"This is FIXED!" Damon argues.

"Calm down, Damon." Elena rubs his arm.

"This is ridiculous," Damon tells her. "They're not even playing right!"

"We'll get them next round," Stefan proclaims.

"Show me number four," Ryan says.

The number four spot flips over.

"Cheese," the audience reads.

"Cheese?" Caroline says.

"Who the hell would leave Santa cheese?" Damon asks.

"Who the hell is answering these surveys?" Stefan asks.

"And number five."

"Chips," the audience reads.

"Interesting answers," Ryan says. "Stay tuned. We've got more Feud on the way!"

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><p><strong>Reviews are always appreciated.<br>-Gemma**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

…What the mikes recorded during the commercial break…

Caroline: Matt says he just can't handle me being a vampire. I don't what to do, Elena. I love him.

Elena: You just have to give him time, Caroline. It's a lot for him to accept.

Damon: You could just compel him.

Stefan: No one is compelling anyone.

Katherine: Well, I think you should…

Damon: Shut your hole, Katherine.

-o-

Max: I will stake you all myself, if you keep answering questions like that! (turns to David) Laxatives? What were you thinking?

David: That if all those people left Santa cheese ….

Marko and Paul start laughing.

Max: Not another word out of any of you.

Dwayne: I didn't say anything.

**Announcer: **We're back in five people…

There is a frenzy of activity as the stagehands return to their appointed positions behind the scenes. Ryan Seacrest is seen dabbing the corners of his mouth with a cloth napkin. The families line up behind their podiums as the countdown begins.

Three

Two

One

"Welcome back to Vampire Family Feud," Ryan says with a smile. "We've got a great game going between The Lost Boys and the Petrova-Salvatore Family." He walks to center stage and calls out to the teams, "Elena and Paul – it's your turn to play the Feud."

Elena walks to her place, accepting hi-fives from Stefan and Damon. She stands facing Ryan and gives him a quick hug. "This is from my friend Bonnie, back home. She's a really big fan."

"Hello, Bonnie." Ryan smiles at the camera.

Paul's boots make a squeaking sound as he struts up to the center podium. The soles leave black scuff marks along his path.

"Hi Elena," he smiles and extends his hand to his competitor.

"Hi Paul," Elena tosses her hair over her shoulder and then reaches out for Paul. "Good Luck." They shake hands and then place their palms next to the buzzer in anticipation of the question.

Ryan flips his cue cards and begins reading, "One hundred humans surveyed, top six answers on the board. If the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against."

Paul's hand slams down on the buzzer before Elena can even move an inch. The Lost Boys cheer loudly.

"Paul," Ryan turns to the blonde vampire and awaits a response.

Paul leans up against the microphone. "Who are the Obama's?"

"What do you mean 'Who are the Obamas'?" Ryan asks in disbelief. "Barack Obama. President of the United States."

"Oh," Paul looks over at his shoulder at his team.

"Answer the question," Max orders. Dwayne, David and Marko all shrug.

"Um, Pass?" Paul says.

"You can't PASS!" Damon screams from the Salvatore podium.

Paul's reply to Damon is censored out as a red strike appears.

"Elena?" Ryan turns to Doppelganger.

"The Bush Family," Elena replies.

"Show me the Bush Family," Ryan calls out.

DING! The number one spot flips over. Elena jumps up and down in delight. The Mystic Falls Team cheers.

"Looks like we're headed over to this way, again." Elena takes Ryan's arm as he escorts her back to the podium.

"Damon, if the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against."

Damon thinks for a minute. "The Clintons."

"Show me Clintons," Ryan says to the board.

DING! The number two spot flips over.

"Hello again, Caroline." Ryan smiles at her.

"Hi Ryan," Caroline's neck disappears between her shoulders and she smiles back at the handsome celebrity. "I'm going to say, the Kardashians."

"Strike one," Damon's head sinks into his hand.

"It's a good answer," Caroline says defensively. She looks at the rest of the family. "It's a good answer, right?" she asks uncertainly.

"Good try. Good try." Stefan claps his hands together. Elena joins him.

"Show me Kardashians," Ryan says.

BUZZZZZZ! A red strike appears.

"Ugh!" Caroline throws her head back. "I thought it would be there!"

"You're the only one," Damon replies.

Ryan moves up to Katherine, head of household.

"Answer, please," he says.

"Well, Ryan," she reaches out a hand and caresses the sleeve of his suit. "I have always thought the Kennedys made a formidable opponent."

Ryan shrinks away from her touch. "Show me the Kennedys."

DING! The number six spot flips over.

"Stefan, three answers left with only one strike," the host tells him.

"I'm going to say the Palins," Stefan claps his hands together.

"Good answer, Stefan," Katherine coos.

"Show me the Palins," Ryan says.

DING! The number three spot flips over.

"Elena," Ryan leans on the space right in front of her. "Back to you."

"Uh," Elena swallows. "Ummm," She looks from side to side at Stefan and Damon. "Ohhh, I can't think of anything…"

"Three seconds," Ryan says squeezing her hand.

"Uhh, The Jonas Brothers!" Elena blurts out, slapping her palm against her forehead.

"Show me The Jonas Brothers," Ryan says with a light chuckle.

BUZZZZZZ! A second red strike appears.

"Damon, it's up to you," Ryan tells his fellow vampire.

"No problem, Ryan," Damon says confidently. "The McCains."

"Good answer," Ryan agrees. "Show me The McCains!"

DING! The number four spot flips over.

"Alright Caroline," Ryan takes her hand in his. "If you get this right, your family has swept the question and stays alive. If not, The Lost Boys will get a chance to steal and possibly win the game."

The camera pans to The Lost Boys. Paul has taken his boots off and is picking his toes. Marko and David are flirting with a pair of girls in the front row. Dwayne is fussing with his earring, which has gotten caught in his hair. Max stands at the head of the podium, staring longingly at Katherine.

"I'm going to repeat the question," Ryan tells Caroline, "and then you have three seconds to answer."

Caroline nods and wraps both her hands around Ryan's.

"If the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against."

Caroline squints her eyes closed and concentrates. "Ummm."

"Come on Caroline," Elena whispers.

"I can't think …," Caroline starts to shake.

"Two seconds…"

"The Smiths!" Caroline yells out.

"The Smiths. Seriously?" Damon looks at her condescendingly.

"I don't think the Obamas would play against an 80's punk band," Stefan tells Caroline.

"Punk Band? No. I mean The Smiths. You know, Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith," Caroline clarifies.

"Ohhhhh. those Smiths," Damon rolls his eyes.

"I'm sure they know each other." Caroline informs Damon.

"Show me The Smiths," Ryan says.

BUZZZZZZZ! Strike three appears.

"Sorry!" Caroline apologizes.

"Let's see if The Lost Boys can get the steal," Ryan walks over to the challengers. "David," he says. The leather clad vampire, looks away from the girls in the audience for a minute.

"What?" he replies to the host.

"If the Obama family were to play Family Feud, name a family they would play against," Ryan repeats the question for him.

"The Brady Bunch," David answers. The girls laugh.

"Dwayne?" Ryan moves to the next member of the family.

"The Brady Bunch," Dwayne repeats, laughing. "Good one." He slaps David's shoulder.

"Paul?" Ryan moves to next vampire and awaits his answer.

"The Partridge Family," Paul replies. Ryan snorts and moves to the next member of the team

"Marko?"

"The Adams family," Marko replies. "Morticia was one foxy lady. I'd love to play with her," he licks his lips.

"Me too," Paul agrees with Marko. They begin to discuss her low cut dress.

"Max," Ryan avoids the cleavage conversation and addresses the head vampire. "If you get this correct, you steal the puzzle and win the game. But no pressure."

"No pressure," Max repeats as he glares at the other members of his family, specifically Dwayne who is letting the audience members touch his bare chest.

"I'm going to say The Royal Family," Max tells the host.

"Damn," Damon curses. "That's a good answer."

Elena and Caroline cross their arms, mimicking strikes and flaunt them at The Lost Boys, who are so distracted by the nipple piercing of an Emo chic in the audience they don't even notice.

"This is for the win," Ryan announces. "Show me The Royal Family!"

BUZZZZZZZ! A red strike appears.

The Petrova-Salvatore Family scream with happiness.

"Show me number five," Ryan says to the board. The fifth slot flips over.

"The Bidens," the audience reads.

"Darn, I was going to say that," Max mumbles to himself.

"Stay tuned," Ryan announces. "There's more Feud coming up!"

* * *

><p><strong>So should the Salvatores remain the champions? Or should we have an upset? Let me know what you think...Gemma<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

…In the Green Room….

Caroline and Elena are Skyping with Bonnie and Jeremy. Stefan sits alongside his brother, who is clearly formulating a master plan.

"Look at them," Damon whispers to his brother, chin-pointing toward The Lost Boys. "What a bunch of washed-up has-beens. We are so much cooler than they are. We have to win this."

Stefan sighs as Damon takes out his cell phone and dials The Lockwood residence.

"What are you doing?" Stefan asks him.

"Just checking in on my favorite pooch," Damon replies as he gets up and moves toward the door. He passes by Katherine who is getting herself a drink.

From across the room Max stares at Katherine as she leans over the water cooler turned blood warmer filling a Family Feud logo'd mug. She takes a plastic orange stirrer from the dispenser, dips it in and circles it around slowly.

Marko notices this and nudges David, who in turn motions to Dwayne and Paul. They all stop and watch Max make his move.

The elder vampire straightens up, his posture near perfect. He licks his palm, runs it over his hair to smooth down the fly-aways and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He clears his throat and begins to advance toward the chocolate haired she-vamp. Just as he reaches her, David sneezes loudly, "Loser!"

Katherine whirls around, long curls flowing through the air. She gives Max a nasty look and stomps off. Max turns to David, his eyes yellowing in rage.

"She's not your type," Marko tells Max.

"Yeah," Paul agrees. "She's not an old divorcee with two kids."

Max's fangs drop and he snarls.

**Announcer: **Back in ten everyone.

Ryan Seacrest stands at the podium, practicing his smile. His assistant hands him new cue cards and checks his microphone.

The families file out onto the stage, taking their places once again. The audience cheers loudly. The announcer begins the countdown as the camera pans in on the host.

"Welcome back to Vampire Family Feud!" Ryan says. "Damon and Dwayne – time to play the Feud!"

Damon wears his cocky smile as he walks to the podium. Audience members scream loudly. The elder Salvatore stops halfway and turns in a circle, with arms outstretched to each side showing off his eternally youthful physique. He unbuttons his shirt, exposing his muscular, yet hairless (a rare thing for a man claiming he's of Italian descent) chest. His hips sway back and forth as he grinds the air. His fans scream louder.

Stefan and Elena roll their eyes. Caroline snorts and mutters under her breath "Oh please, Matt's bigger." The microphone picks up her reply sending it out over the speakers. A hush falls over the audience.

Could it be true? They wonder.

Katherine bites the tip of her finger as she watches Damon, who sneers an "I sincerely doubt that," Caroline's way.

"He is. Trust me." Katherine says, winking at Caroline.

Dwayne starts laughing uncontrollably as do the other Lost Boys. Caroline looks at Katherine, veins filling the space below her eyes in the beginning of a jealous rage.

"Stay away from Matt," Caroline snarls.

"Caroline," Stefan warns his fellow vamp, "she's just trying to make you mad."

"It seems to be working," Elena whispers as she watches the fangs appear amidst her friend's teeth.

"Can we just play the game please?" Ryan interrupts, with a huff.

Damon and Dwayne take their positions opposite each other at the podium.

"One hundred people surveyed. Top five answers on the board," Ryan reads from the card. The camera pans to the board where five answer slots are covered. "Name something a secretary might throw at her boss when she quits."

Dwayne and Damon both strike the buzzers. The light flashes on The Lost Boys side, indicating Dwayne was faster. Damon's face wrinkles unhappily.

"Dwayne?" Ryan asks turning to the long haired vampire.

"Damon's small penis," Dwayne replies, holding his thumb and forefinger up to indicate how tiny the appendage is.

Damon clears the podium with a single leap, latching onto Dwayne's neck. Dwayne jumps up into the air, throwing Damon across the stage where he collides with Stefan, who has come forward to help. Dwayne hovers overhead – laughing. His family (with the exception of Max) laughs along.

Damon growls and charges again, this time Ryan Seacrest reaches out and grabs him, preventing him from crossing mid-stage.

The audience boos Ryan loudly.

"Let them fight!" someone yells.

"IT'S MY SHOW!" Ryan's angry yet fangless facade contorts as he sparkles brightly under the stage lights. He turns to Dwayne. "You're outta here."

Dwayne looks at him blankly.

"You heard me," Ryan waves him off stage. "Send in the other one."

"The other one?" The Petrova-Salvatore Family look at each other in confusion.

An old man wanders in carrying a bag of Oreo cookies and a bottle of root beer. He's going bald on top, but a long white braid trails down his back. His nametag reads "Old Fart."

"Who the hell is he?" Damon points to the man as he questions the host.

"He's Grandpa," Ryan replies. There are a few scattered claps from the audience.

The old man stands next to the podium, sucking down the last drops of root beer. "What was the question?" he asks the Ryan.

"Name something a secretary might throw at her boss when she quits," Ryan repeats.

"Eh, I ain't never had a secretary," the old man tells them as he removes an Oreo from the package. He bites into it and thinks for a minute.

"Why is it HIS turn?" Damon demands. "Are there no rules now?'

"Yeah," Ryan replies. "Like any of you ever play by the rules."

"A little help please?" Damon turns to his teammates for support. They shrug helplessly.

"How about a pen?" the old man suggests.

"Show me pen," Ryan announces.

DING! The number four spot flips over.

"Looks like we're going to The Lost Boys!" Ryan announces as he heads over to their side for the first time this game.

"Unbelievable!" Damon throws his hands in the air.

"David," Ryan stands in front of the platinum-haired vampire. "Tell me what you do for a living."

"I kill people," David replies.

Ryan scratches his forehead. "Can you tell me something a secretary might throw at her boss when she quits."

"A co-worker," David answers with a sly grin.

"I can see this is going to be a very short game," Ryan comments. "Show me co-worker."

BUZZZZZZZ!

A red strike appears.

"Alright Max," Ryan moves to the head of household. "What's your answer?"

"I've had a few secretaries leave on not-so-good terms," Max tells Ryan. "And I'm going to say office supplies."

"Good Answer," Ryan says.

BEEP BEEP

BEEP BEEP

"Okay," Ryan nods at Simon Cowell who is seated in the front row of the audience. "Max, they want you to be more specific."

"A stapler," Max says.

Ryan looks at Simon, who nods approval.

"Show me stapler!"

DING!

The number one spot flips over.

Ryan moves to Marko. "Hello Marko," he greets the shortest of The Lost Boys.

"Hello Ryan," Marko smirks.

"Answer please," Ryan asks.

"Panties," Marko replies as he hi-fives Paul.

Ryan sighs tiredly.

"Show me panties," he says.

BUZZZZZZZ!

Two red strikes appear.

Ryan turns to the Petrova-Salvatore Family. "That's two strikes, soon to be three," he looks at Paul. "Get ready to steal."

"Name something a secretary might throw at her boss when she quits."

"Scissors," Paul replies. Marko and David crack up. Max's face reddens in anger.

"Strike three," Ryan says.

BUZZZZZZ!

Three red strikes appear.

"Going over to the Petraova-Salvatore Family for the steal," Ryan says. He starts at the end of the podium with Caroline. "Three answers remain."

"Keys!" the blonde exclaims.

"Damon?"

"Hot coffee."

"Elena?"

"Mail."

"Stefan?"

"Business Cards."

"Alright Katherine," Ryan says as he stands beside her. They both look up at the board. "If you get this right, you win the game. If not we keep playing."

"I'm going to agree with Stefan," Katherine takes the hand of the teenage vampire next to her. "Business cards."

"For the win," Ryan announces. "Show me business cards!"

Everyone holds their breath in anticipation.

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* * *

><p><strong>Happy First Day of Summer!<br>****-Gemma**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

BUZZZZZZZ!

A red strike appears.

Katherine snaps her fingers haphazardly in mock disappointment.

Stefan sighs and looks at Elena. "We tried," he tells her.

"Business cards!" Damon scoffs. "Really Stefan. Who the hell throws business cards!"

"I can't believe we lost," Caroline pouts. "This sucks."

"Show me number two," Ryan asks the board.

"Files/Folders," the audience reads.

"Number three."

"Papers."

"And number five."

"Coffee cup."

"I said THAT!" Damon screams at Katherine. "If you would just listen to me instead of Mr. Cool Hair over here – MAYBE we could have won!"

Caroline taps Damon on the shoulder. "You didn't say coffee cup," she tells him.

"Yes. I did," he snarls at her.

"Caroline's right, Damon," Elena interjects. "You said hot coffee – not coffee cup."

"Read between the lines – IT'S COFFEE!" Damon yells, hands twisting into mock claws as he strangles the air in front of him.

"What if it was an _empty_ coffee cup?" Caroline says.

"I think you might be the stupidest vampire on the entire planet," Damon says to Caroline.

"_Damon,_ be nice," Elena scolds him.

"Take that back," Caroline says, as the black veins run down her cheeks.

"Oh go eat another bunny," Damon snorts.

"Okay everyone the score is tied," Ryan announces. "Next up to the podium Caroline and David."

"Whoa, hold on there Ryan Sparkles," Damon's hands form a "T" indicating he's requesting a time out. "What do you mean the score is tied?"

"Ryan Sparkles? Are you (censored) kidding me? It's Seacrest and I have more money and fans then you'll ever have," Ryan advances on Damon. "You're really staring to piss me off," the host stretches up to his full height of five feet four inches as he tries to intimidate Damon. "And if you're not careful – I'll kick you off the show too."

"Don't do me any favors," Damon retorts. "I just want to know what this score thing is about."

"Score thing?" Ryan repeats. "Are you referring to this?" He points to a large lighted square in the middle of their podium with the number 245 on it.

They all lean over to look at it.

"Has that always been there?" Stefan asks.

"I don't remember anyone keeping score last time we played," Elena says.

"I don't either," Katherine says. For once, the family agrees on something.

Executive Producers, Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul are whispering to each other in the front row.

Across the stage The Lost Boys moan and groan at the delay. Marko and Paul levitate in attempt to look down fangirls' low cut shirts while David is sneaks another cigarette. Max stands stoically, hands folded in front of him as he waits patiently.

The camera then focuses on Grandpa who has taken the top cookie off his Double-Stuff Oreo and is busily licking the crème filling. On the large house display runs a clip of Peyton and Eli Manning doing the same thing. The phrase "It's on like Donkey Kong" scroll across the bottom of the screen.

"So how do we get points?" Caroline asks Ryan.

The host's palms are pressed together, forefingers rest against his lip as he looks at Caroline in disbelief. "Did you really just ask me that?" he says to her.

From backstage there is a blood curdling scream. Several members of the crew coming running out across the stage covered in blood. They are terrified.

"He ate Bella!" someone yells as they rush by heading for the nearest exit.

The camera pans to the side curtains, where a limp body lays on the floor. Dwayne stands beside it, eyes yellowed; fangs dripping blood.

"I got hungry," he explains. "And the blood warmer was empty."

Max flies through the air, knocking Dwayne to the ground. "You realize that harming a human disqualifies us," he reminds the brunette.

"That rule only applies to vampires playing the game," Dwayne's lips spread into a slow smile. "And I've been replaced."

"Finding a loophole," Katherine chuckles. "I like him."

"uhhhhh," Simon and Paula stare at each other blankly.

"He's right," David tells Ryan. "You did replace him."

Ryan looks at the executive producers sheepishly.

"Ryan, a word please," Simon waves the host toward a door marked "Private."

**Announcer: We're taking five people.**

The vampires leave their podiums and head toward the Green Room.

**Announcer: Can we get maintenance out here with a mop? Thanks.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

In the Green Room

Max sits on the couch paging through a well-worn copy of Single Parenting for Dummies. "Negative attention," he reads aloud then closes the book. "What these boys really need is a mother." He looks Katherine's way again. "She would be perfect."

David, Marko, Dwayne and Paul overhear him and smile to themselves.

"She's better than the last one," Paul says. "Lucy always smelled like peppermint."

"I hate peppermint," Dwayne says.

"Doesn't she remind of you of Star," Marko muses. "With the curly hair and the brown eyes."

"Star was a mistake," David tells them. "We're The Lost Boys. No Girls. No Rules. And definitely – NO Parents." The leader pulls them tightly into a huddle. "Just one thing stands between us and complete freedom."

They all look in Max's direction and smile evilly.

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Damon paces back and forth in front of the door, peeking out every few seconds.

"Do I want to know?" Stefan comments as he returns an issue of Men's Health to the magazine rack.

"Lockwood should have been here by now," Damon tells his brother. The ebony haired vampire checks the time on his phone again.

"And why is Tyler coming here?" Stefan asks.

"To replace her," Damon thumbs Caroline's way.

"We're not replacing Caroline," Stefan shakes his head in mild amusement. "Besides, I go to school with Tyler and let's just say he's not Honor Student material."

"But at least he has common sense," Damon says.

"Which is why he's probably not going to show up," Stefan grins at his brother.

"All I can say is, if we lose to them," Damon glares at the Lost Boys. "We're going to have a repeat of the Lexi incident."

"DAMON," Stefan snarls as he grabs his brother's bicep. "You're not going to hurt Caroline."

"That's up to her," Damon snarls just as viciously. "Better hope she's full of number of number one answers."

"Everything okay, here?" Elena interrupts them.

"Fine," Stefan sends a look Damon's way.

"What he said," Damon smiles.

"I don't believe you," Elena calls them out on their lie.

"Well, what would you believe? That we're secretly plotting to stake Caroline as soon as the game is over?" Damon replies.

Elena's eyes widen and she looks at Stefan.

"He's…We're …not staking anyone," Stefan tells her.

Damon just smiles mischievously.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: When I watch Natural Born Killers it affects my muse - my apologies in advance - Gemma.**

Chapter 7

The Family Feud logo appears and Ryan Seacrest takes his position center stage. On either side of him the families are lined up at their respective podiums.

"Welcome back to Vampire Family Feud," Ryan says forcing a smile. "We've got a great game today between The Lost Boys and The Petrova-Salvatore Family."

The audience cheers loudly.

"Damon – Dwayne, let's play the Feud!" the hosts waves the pair of vampires to the podium. Damon and Dwayne both walk to the center in silent animosity.

"I know this may seem like deja vous for some of you," Ryan explains. "But in light of a ruling from our executive producers – we are replaying the last question. It seems substitutions are only permissible when a family member is no longer capable of playing – not because they anger the host," he glares at the two vampires in front of him.

"So without further delay, let's just get this over with," Ryan pulls out a cue card. "One hundred humans surveyed, top six answers on the board."

The camera pans up to the board where the six answers are covered.

"Name a reason a man would put on make-up."

Both Damon and Dwayne lift their hands to their respective buzzers, but then hesitate. Their hands dangle in mid-air.

"What the hell kind of a question is that?" Damon scoffs.

Dwayne replaces his hand on the podium and looks to his team for help. The Lost Boys shrug cluelessly. Even Max seems puzzled by such a strange question.

The moments tick by and neither vampire rings in to answer. Ryan folds the cue card against his nose and sighs heavily. "Will one of you PLEASE at least take a guess?"

Dwayne shrugs his shoulders and taps the buzzer.

"Yes, Dwayne?" Ryan says tiredly.

"Because he has a small….," Dwayne begins to say but his words are cut off as Damon reaches over the podium to strangle him.

Dwayne swings his far arm and it connects with Damon. With loud growls the pair attack each other. Clothes are torn as nails dig into flesh, sending sprays of blood across the stage.

"FIGHT!"

"FIGHT!"

"FIGHT!"

The audience chants as they get up on their feet. Hands clap to the beat as they show their support – because – well – who doesn't love a good fight between rival vampires?

Without a second thought, Stefan rushes into the mix to help his big brother. He grabs Dwayne and throws him backward.

That same instant Paul and Marko spring forward with fangs bared. Marko slices into Damon's back tearing a wide gash that exposes white hues of bone. Damon screams in pain and whirls around, he sinks his teeth into the first thing he can – Marko's glorious jacket – and rips its seam.

"My jacket!" Marko breaks away, examining the damage to his most precious possession.

Stefan senses Paul coming and is ready when he attacks. He doesn't sense David though and is taken completely by surprise as the platinum blonde gauges open his midsection. Stefan drops to the ground, writhing in pain.

"Stefan!" Elena screams. Tears stream from her eyes. "You have to do something," she begs Katherine.

Katherine looks at her tiredly. "No," she tells the weeping girl.

"Caroline," Elena sobs. "Help him, please."

Caroline nods shakily and morphs into a creature of the night. Blackened veins snake down her pale cheeks as pearly canines descend from her gum line. She leaps into the sea of males in attempt to save Stefan.

David catches her mid-air. Together they spin like a tornado up into the rafters. As they slam into the fluorescent lights, the bulbs shatter and rain down upon the others. Caroline whimpers as David squeezes her arms; pressing her into the metal beams.

"Please, don't hurt me," she pleads.

David loosens his grip and smiles tenderly. "Want to go for a ride?" he asks her.

Below them, Marko has shredded nearly every garment Damon was wearing. The vampire is left shirtless with only the remnants of his jeans covering the Salvatore Family Jewels.

Stefan fairs no better as Paul and Dwayne take turns stabbing him with the pins used to fasten their name tags to their shirts.

"Stop it!" Elena screams. She rushes to Stefan's rescue grabbing a handful of Paul's teased hair and pulling it as hard as she can.

Katherine rolls her eyes at Elena's effort.

"BOYS!" Max yells as he paces back and forth, like an impatient coach during the NCAA tournament. "BEHAVE!" he growls. The Boys, as usual, do not listen to him.

The first few rows of the audience cover themselves with a tarp as the blood continues to fly. Their cheers are now deafening as the vampires tear each other apart.

Paul laughs as he reaches behind his head and single-handedly flips Elena into his lap. Elena screams and punches him, but it does no good. She knows she's not hurting him.

Stefan seeing Elena's plight, tries desperately to save her from Paul – but Dwayne holds him down, crushing his skull between the stage floor and the sole of his boot.

The camera pans to Ryan Seacrest. He stands behind the podium, taking dainty sips from a thermos paying little attention to the mess around him. Overhead the lights crackle as sparks shoot downward in a reverse fireworks display.

"Mr. Seacrest," his assistant says timidly as he watches the bloodbath around him. "Do you want me to call security?"

"I already called," Ryan informs him. "They're on their way."

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OUTSIDE IN THE PARKING LOT

"Weapons check!" the boy with the red bandana says to his brother. He spins around allowing the other boy to take a quick inventory of the items on his back.

Beside them, a pair of BMX bikes are fastened with lock and chain to rack.

"Now check me," the boy with the dog-tags hanging from his neck says. He too, does a 180 letting his brother frisk his backpack.

In the distance, a dark haired boy wearing a red Mystic Falls varsity jacket gets out of a black Mustang. A dark skinned girl is with him.

"This is the address Damon gave me," he tells her.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" she asks him.

He nods yes.

The boy with the red bandana stops checking his brother's weapons. "Alan," he hisses softly. "Werewolf, on your six."

"What?" Alan spins around – catching a glimpse of Tyler Lockwood. "Shit!" he curses. "There were only supposed to be vampires."

"Don't tell me you left the silver bullets back at home," Edgar patronizes.

Alan looks up at the starlit sky. "Full moon's not until tomorrow."

"Then we have some time." Edgar's jaw sets firmly. "Now let's go kill some Suck Monkeys!"

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INSIDE THE STUDIO

Katherine frowns as Stefan and Damon are clearly getting their asses kicked. She knows that Stefan isn't as strong as he should be – with his diet of bunnies and hamsters. And while Damon should be able to hold his own against another vampire – apparently he hit a nerve when he messed with the beaded atrocity that Marko holds so dear.

She really didn't want to get involved, but of course she knew she would. They were her Achilles heel and she knew someday they'd be the death of her.

She takes a few leisurely steps toward center stage, licking her lips ass she passed Ryan's assistant (aka midnight snack). When she's in plain view of all the boys, she folds her lip up between her teeth and lets out a sharp, shrill whistle.

All the vampires stop in their tracks and turn to look at her.

"Enough," she tells them as she lowers her gaze. Her stare pierces through each of them, and they follow her eyes as though they're in a trace.

There is a loud bang.

In the rear of the auditorium, a door slams open and in runs a pair of fatigue-clad teens with Super Soakers. They run forward at full speed. Water shoots from the barrels of their guns at least ten yards ahead of them.

As drops land on The Lost Boys – they dissolve vampire flesh with acid-like speed. Paul, Dwayne and Marko cry out in pain. They recoil to safety behind the set.

Edgar and Alan leap onstage, saturating Stefan and Damon. Who, aside from getting wet, have no reaction to the Holy Water.

"It's not working," Alan yells.

"SHIT!" Edgar responds. He aims his gun at Katherine and Ryan, soaking both of them.

Katherine's head bows as she observes her drenched clothing. When she meets eyes with the boys, her fangs descend and she snarls. In one leap, she pins both boys to the floor.

"Which one of you wants to die first?" she asks them.

"Me and my brother will kill you, you filthy blood sucker," Edger spits at her.

"Yeah, death breath," Alan adds.

"Wait a minute," Katherine sits back on her heels, fangs disappearing. "Did you say you were brothers?" she asks with a seductive smile.

* * *

><p><strong>Never fear there's more Feud to come...<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

17 MINUTES LATER …..

Damon and Dwayne stand in their positions next to the center podium. Ryan holds a new set of cue cards in his hands.

The stage around them has been mopped clean. The lights have been repaired. The splatter tarp no longer covers the audience. In fact, unless you were watching the instant replay on the Jumbo-tron, you would never know what had just occurred.

**Announcer:** Fourth position face-off – take three. In five…

Four…

Three...

Two…

One…

"Welcome back to Vampire Family Feud – where Feud takes on a whole new meaning," Ryan attempts to crack a joke. The audience applauds politely.

The camera pans in for a close-up of Damon; his once-cocky smile is now an annoyed glare. He wears a black tee-shirt with THE X FACTOR written in bold white print across the chest. A pair of black sweatpants with the same logo running down the leg, cover his lower half.

Across from him, Dwayne wears a royal blue tee-shirt with the AMERICAN IDOL logo. His hair is wet and hangs in strings covering his face. He is not happy either.

"One hundred humans surveyed, top six answers on the board," Ryan begins.

The camera pans to the board, where the top six answers have yet to be revealed.

"Name something that starts with the word Belly."

Damon's hand slams down on the buzzer.

"Damon?" Ryan asks.

"Belly Dancer," Damon replies.

"Good answer," his family calls out (sounding a little scripted) in support.

"Show me Belly Dancer," Ryan says.

DING!

The number two spot flips over.

"We're going this way," Ryan points to the Petrova-Salvatore Family. He walks toward their podium a few steps behind Damon.

"Hello, Caroline," he greets the blond vampire who is wearing a black baby doll tee with THE X FACTOR logo across the front.

"Hi Ryan," Caroline chirps. "I have an answer."

"Good," Ryan says with a bit of relief.

"Belly Ring," she tells him.

"Good answer, Caroline." Elena claps her hands together.

"Show me Belly Ring!" Ryan calls out.

BUZZZZZZZZ

A red strike appears.

"Awwwww," Caroline groans. "Why wasn't that up there?"

Ryan moves to Katherine, his least favorite guest.

"What's your answer?" he asks her.

"How about Belly Hair," Katherine replies.

"Not bad," Ryan nods his head. "Show me Belly Hair."

BUZZZZZZZZ

Two red strikes appear.

"Stefan, there's two strikes and five answers left," Ryan reminds him. "If you don't get this right The Lost Boys have a chance to steal."

"Belly Button," Stefan says confidently.

"Great Answer!" Elena jumps up and down excitedly.

"Show me Belly Button!"

DING!

The number one answer flips over.

"Elena?"

"Ummm," Elena pauses to think. "How about Belly Ache?"

"Show me Belly Ache!"

DING!

The number five spot flips over.

"Back to you Damon," the host says staring at the print on Damon's shirt. "What does that say?" he asks.

The camera comes in for another close-up of Damon. The vampire has somehow manipulated the writing on his shirt to read THE SEX MASTER.

"Wishful thinking, Damon," Katherine laughs.

Damon gives her an evil look.

"Can you just answer the question?"

"Belly Flop," Damon replies as he continues to stare coldly at Katherine.

"Show me Belly Flop!"

DING!

The number three answer appears.

"Caroline – it's up to you now. There's two strikes already."

She nods in understanding.

"Name something that starts with the word Belly," Ryan reads from his cue card.

Caroline exhales, thinking hard.

"Three seconds," Ryan tells her.

"Belly…," Caroline trails off, biting her lip.

"Two…"

"Belly…."

"One…"

"Belly Rubs!" she blurts at the last second.

"Belly Rubs?" Ryan asks, rhetorically.

"As in rubbing someone's belly?" Elena looks strangely at Caroline.

"As in rubbing a dog's belly," Damon clarifies.

"He's a werewolf NOT a dog," Caroline informs Damon as patches of crimson appear on her cheeks.

"They do enjoy that tremendously, don't they?" Katherine muses. "I know Mason did. Too bad _HIS_ brother never came around. I could have had some real fun…"

"_Katherine_," Stefan sneers. "No one cares about your disturbing-sibling fetish."

Katherine's jaw sets and she meets Stefan's gaze. "On the topic of disturbing fetishes…," she purposefully looks at Elena, the mirror image of herself. "I think yours is much more…"

"SHOW ME," Ryan says rather loudly, interrupting her. "Belly Rubs"

BUZZZZZZ!

Three red strikes appear.

"And now we go to The Lost Boys for the steal," Ryan walks across the stage, skipping the rest of the family as he stands next to Max.

"Belly Chains!" Paul yells.

"Belly Jelly!" Dwayne laughs.

"Belly Shirts!" Marko exclaims.

"Belli-ssimo!" David calls out.

"Two answers left, Max." Ryan bends the cue cards. "If you get this right, The Lost Boys win the game."

Max looks down the row at his team. Then he looks up at the board.

"I'm going to say," his lips purse together. "Belly Up."

"Good answer, Max." The Lost Boys all applaud.

Max gives them an unnerved glare.

"I think you just won the game," Ryan whispers to Max.

There is an air of tension in the room.

The Lost Boys lean forward over their podiums awaiting the answer.

The Petrova-Salvatore Family joins hands and offers up a silent prayer to The Game Show gods.

"For the game," Ryan points to the board. "Show me Belly Up!"

BUZZZZZZZZZZ!

A large red strike appears.

"No way!" Ryan's jaw drops. He looks at Max in disbelief. "I can't believe that wasn't up there."

"Show me number four," the host says.

"Belly Laugh," the audience reads.

"And number six."

"Belly Fat," the audience reads.

"We've got a tie score," Ryan announces as he heads back to the middle podium. "Caroline. David. Let's Play the Feud."

Caroline claps excitedly to the beat of the theme song as she makes her way to center stage. She smiles and waves to the audience.

David's leather trench coat drags across the floor as he glides into place. His crystal blue eyes sparkle as he winks at Caroline. She shyly smiles back.

David extends his hand over the podium and shakes Caroline's.

"Good Luck," they wish each other before placing a hand behind their back and their game hand next to the buzzer.

"One hundred humans surveyed, top four answers on the board," Ryan reads from his cue card.

The camera pans to the four covered answers.

"Beside a horse, name an animal that some people ride."

David's and Caroline's hands move quickly. They slam down on the buzzers, but Caroline rings in first.

"Caroline?" Ryan says.

BANG

The sound draws everyone's attention to the side of the auditorium where an emergency exit door swings open.

"Tyler?" Caroline says in surprise.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I am _slightly_ obsessed with the songfic right now . It tends to creep up when I least expect it.

Dedications: babyshan211, Serendipity10 and PoetWITHOUTacause -as a thank you for all the lovely reviews.

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><p>Chapter 9<p>

"Show me Tyler!" Ryan says to the board.

"That wasn't my answer!" Caroline protests.

BUZZZZZZZZ!

A red strike appears.

"Sorry, but that's what you said," the host says unapologetically. Then with a reluctant sigh he turns to David. "Beside a horse, name an animal that some people ride."

Before David can reply, Caroline turns to the side of the auditorium and holds her arms out to the side questioningly.

"What are you doing here?" she asks Tyler.

"I, uh," he stutters, shoving his hands deep into his front pockets. His shoulders rise up to his ears; effectively making his neck disappear from sight. Someone taps him on the shoulder and he steps to the side allowing the Mystic Falls High School Marching Timberwolves to file out of the doorway and into the aisles.

"You brought the _band_?" Caroline says in disbelief.

"Uh…," Tyler glances briefly at the parade heading through the audience. "Yeah."

BUZZZZZZZZ!

A red strike appears.

"I didn't answer yet!" David exclaims.

"You took too long," Ryan tells him.

"I was a little _distracted_," David snarls gesturing to the wind section which begins their warm-up exercises.

"Yeah, well – you snooze – you lose," Ryan says unsympathetically. "Katherine?"

"You Ryan," Katherine says, leaning over the podium and exposing her cleavage. "I bet some humans ride you…"

"I hate this game," Ryan mumbles under his breath.

BUZZZZZZZZ!

A red strike appears.

"Why is the band here?" Caroline shouts; trying to be heard over the drum line.

Tyler looks around nervously. "I didn't think there would be this many people here."

"Max, answer please." Ryan points to the head vampire.

Before Max can answer the Drum Major claps his hands. The band goes silent.

"Here goes nothing," Tyler takes a deep breath.

"One, two, three…," the Drum Major counts down quickly. The band members raise their instruments and begin to play.

"We're in the middle of a…," Max begins to say but then he suddenly goes mute. His lips move but no sound comes out. Ryan tries to talk with the same result.

Damon folds his arms across his chest smugly.

In the very back of the audience stands Bonnie Bennett, eyes closed in deep concentration. Hands outstretched; one in the band's direction the other toward Tyler. The music cues and Tyler speaks the first lyrics:

_Where it began, I can't begin to know when  
><em>_But then I know its growing strong_

"Oh my God!" Caroline places both palms against the hollow of her neck. "He's serenading me!"

BUZZZZzzz

A red strike appears – but the buzzing sound was cut off.

Ryan tries to speak again, but he can't.

No one can.

The only sounds come from Tyler and the marching band.

Everyone's attention goes to the werewolf as he continues to speak the lyrics into his headset.

"For God's sake – will you at least attempt to sing!" Simon Cowell screams from the front row. It looks like he's trying to yell an insult, but his words are silenced as Bonnie gently twists her wrist in his direction.

Tyler's voice transitions into song. As he hits every note perfectly, a look of surprise crosses over his face. Caroline grins at him.

…_reaching out  
><em>_Touching me  
><em>_Touching you….  
><em>_Oh Sweet Caroline…_

From The Lost Boys podium, Marko, Paul and Dwayne all link arms and begin to sing back-up.

"Whoa – O – O," they chorus.

Tyler looks shocked as they join in, but he continues his solo.

_Good times never seemed so good…_

"So good! So good! So good!" the vampires sing loudly.

The audience begins to cheer loudly. Tyler gains a little confidence and begins to make his way to the stage. Caroline leaves the center podium and walks down to meet him. In the background a red X flashes on the screen.

_And now I, I look at the night_

"Whooooooooooo," Marko howls out his own solo.

Tyler laughs a little at the beaded wonder with the curly blonde mullet.

_And it don't seem so lonely._

The werewolf moves closer to the object of his affections.

Tyler's fangirls begin to scream loudly. A quick scan of the crowd reveals several home-made signs reading "FORWOOD" with a sprinkling of "Team Tyler." But then a pack of girls with Team Jacob shirts begins to rally and beat down the Team Tyler girls with photos of Taylor Lautner's rock solid abs. (Sorry Michael Trevino –you're _almost_ there…Almost ; D Maybe Kev & Julie will write in a few more shirtless scenes for Season 3…Yummy!)

But none of that detracts from the clear ardor in Tyler's eyes as he smiles at Caroline.

_And when I hurt  
><em>_Hurting runs off my shoulder  
><em>_How can I hurt when holding you?_

Caroline starts to cry. She jumps down from the stage and (since she's a vampire) covers the remaining distance between them in a nanosecond.

_Sweet Caroline_

"Whoa –O – O."

The Lost Boys have now formed a kick line. Booted feet raise waist high into the air for each beat. Max is completely befuddled.

_Good times never seemed so good_

"So good! So good! So good!" The vampires sing as their legs get higher with each set of words.

"KISS HIM!" A member of the FORWOOD shippers screams loudly. And thus the chant begins…

"KISS HIM!"

"KISS HIM!"

"KISS HIM!"

Caroline circles her arms around Tyler's neck.

"Sweet Caroline?" she smiles at him. "Not very original."

"Well," he wraps his arms around her waist and pulls her against him. "I wasn't going to sing a bad 80's ballad." (cough. Eternal Flame. cough)

"KISS HIM! KISS HIM! KISS HIM!" the crowd chants.

"Ohhhhhhhh, Sweet Car-o-line," The Lost Boys harmonize as the band holds the final note of the song.

Tyler leans in and kisses Caroline as another red strike appears on the screen.

"We'll be back with more Feud right after this," Ryan says to the camera. He jumps off the stage and lands next to Tyler and Caroline making out. The vampire host angrily pulls the couple apart.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he snaps at Tyler. "And why do you smell like a PetSmart?"

"BOOOOOOO!" the Forwood shippers hiss.

"SHUT UP!" Ryan screams at them. "This is a game show – not reality television!"

"Back off, man" Tyler stands protectively in front of his fans.

"Dear God," Ryan pinches his nose closed. "You really need a bath."

Caroline leans over and sniffs Tyler. "Mmmm," she runs her hand over his well muscled shoulder. "AXE."

"Just get off my set," Ryan exhales as he attempts to breathe through his mouth.

"See you afterward?" Tyler asks Caroline.

"Definitely," she smiles giving Tyler one more kiss.

Back at the Petrova Salvatore podium, Elena is curled up alongside Stefan. "Would you ever do that for me?" she asks batting her eyes at him.

"Well," Stefan inclines his head her way. "I do like that one Miley Cyrus song."

"Miley Cyrus?" Elena laughs.

"You asked," Stefan replies, pressing his lips against the crown of her head.

Behind them, Bonnie wanders up to the stage.

"So what did you think?" she asks the happy couple.

"Not bad," Stefan tells her. "I enjoyed The Lost Boys as a boy band."

"You did that?" Elena asks Bonnie in astonishment.

"No," Bonnie laughs. "That was all them."

"I meant Tyler and the marching band," Elena grins at her friend.

"It was Damon's idea," Bonnie admits.

"Damon?" Elena and Stefan both look at the ebony-haired vampire.

"That's right," he looks back at them triumphantly.

"I was surprised too," Bonnie says. "But Damon can be very romantic."

Elena and Stefan both raise their eyebrows suspiciously.

"I mean, when he's not being a homicidal psychopath," the witch adds quickly.

"Right…," Elena gives her friend the "we need to talk – no secrets remember" look.

"Yeah," Bonnie gives Elena the "You know I'm dating your brother and since I turned him into a freaking ghost whisperer I just needed someone to talk to about it and Damon was there for me and I swear nothing happened between us (yet)" look.

"Alright, Caroline," Ryan takes her by the hand and leads her back up on stage. "It's your turn again."

"What was the question?"

"Beside a horse, name an animal some people ride."

"A dolphin!" Caroline answers.

"Show me dolphin!" Ryan says.

BUZZZZZZ

A red strike appears.

"David?" Ryan asks.

"How about an Ass?" David replies.

Marko, Paul and Dwayne snicker.

"You can ride my ass anytime," Katherine comments from across the stage.

"Show me Ass!" the host calls out, ignoring her.

Upon hearing that David, Marko, Paul and Dwayne all drop their pants and moon Ryan Seacrest.

"I am sick and tired of being disrepected!" Ryan shouts. "Find someone else to put up with this crap!" he tells the execuitive producing team of Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul as he throws his cue cards in the air and marches off-stage.

DING!

Overhead a spot on the board flips over.

Donkey/Mule is the number one answer.

THE END

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><p>The song Sweet Caroline belongs to Neil Diamond.<p>

Reviews are always appreciated -Gemma


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